yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
