Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
