I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
