Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
