When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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