You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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