If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
