you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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