That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
