the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
