Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
