Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
