But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
