This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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