I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
