fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
