my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
