I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
