some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
