There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
