I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
