I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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