Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
