About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
