I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
