He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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