she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
