I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I party with great urgency now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
