so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
