I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
