My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
