If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
