I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
