Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
