i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
