need another drink. this is the easiest way
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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