dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You can't motorboat a personality
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
