You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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