i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
