i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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