I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
