Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
