All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
