Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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