I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
