It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
