using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
