i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
