Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
