i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
