Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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