Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize