Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize