If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
