Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
