We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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