Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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