He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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