Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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