it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
