I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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