Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
