are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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