Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
why do cheetos always look like penises
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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