I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
