I feel like abortions should bother me more
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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