I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
