You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
