matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
