I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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