I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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