i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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