Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize