I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
