i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
