what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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