somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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