Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
