you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
