I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
