4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
