hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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