she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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