I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
