Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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