I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
