we have pet lesbian snakes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
