What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
