I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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