dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
