Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize