I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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