im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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