1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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