I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
