UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
