she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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