Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
