he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
