you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize