i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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