i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
