he wants to bone in the snuggie
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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