Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize