i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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