In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
