We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize