Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
