i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sex in a hospital.. check
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
