Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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