Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
