careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
