Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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