all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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